a haitian never forgets

if y'all keep tabs on social media and stalk me even the slightest bit, you already know that i returned to haiti a month ago. this was my third trip and, oh my stars, it was so different from my first two.

let me back up for a second.

this summer was hard for me. i came into the fall empty. drained. weary. feeling as though i had nothing left. my week in haiti changed that. i came home better. lighter. restored. i'm a little more whole. full. a better version of me. i rested. i was restored. i was refreshed. i sat with Jesus and He was pleased with me. not to say the trip wasn't challenging (it was), but a piece of me felt a little more whole while i was there because haiti has become part of who i am.

while i was there, one thing that repeatedly struck me was a phrase i heard myself casually utter several times before it finally stuck...

a haitian never forgets

you see, there is such comfort in being known. loved. seen. i've purposed for several years to love the people around me well, whoever they may be, in whatever way the Lord shows me. the Holy Spirit as my daily guide. i don't do it perfectly and i certainly have days when selfishness and personal comfort win. those are the days i'm reminded of his glorious grace and i try again the next day.

but recently, i have purposed to see people for who they truly are. to make sure they know they aren't invisible. to know their name and their story. to remember them. i am the worst at remembering names (i somehow missed getting that gene from pops). my years as a kanakuk counselor taught me that a person's name is the sweetest word in the english language and there is such truth in that. so, i have made a better effort to know and remember names. faces. stories. i still have a long way to go but i am making a conscious effort.

and i think that's why i was stopped in my tracks and flooded with all the feels when i stepped foot inside the door of 3 Cords on that thursday morning.

adeline.

she remembered me from a year ago. y'all, an entire year with no contact and she remembered me. her face lit up. her eyes were full of kindness. her smile was as big as her heart. she welcomed me with a tight hug. she brought me into her space and let me sit a while. she pulled up a chair and i spent the day with her. she signed to the interpreter that i was her friend and she was so happy i was there to see her again. my heart melted as her hospitality overwhelmed me.

sweet adeline.

i have learned so much from my haitian friends. but there is still much to learn. i am a better me because of the time i spend with them and my heart is anxious to return. part of my soul feels home when i'm in haiti and for that i am forever grateful.

bekah

live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally

the deeper things

several months ago, my friend marilynn said something that initially struck me as odd, but as it settled in my soul i decided i couldn't agree more. it was freeing. i didn't write it down, so don't quote me on this, but the gist of it was...

anyone can know the simple things about my friend; i am more interested in knowing what stirs her soul.

at first that sounds abrasive, as if she doesn't care about her friend's likes and dislikes. i paused and the truth of what marilynn was saying washed over me. grin. yes. amen. praise hands.

we're all wired for relationships. we can't do this life alone. we aren't meant to do it alone. it's much too hard that way. long ago i realized that i'm not only wired for relationships, but i'm also gifted at creating meaningful ones and maintaining them across all sorts of distances and time zones. people are important to me and are worth the effort. [this isn't an attempt to toot my own horn; just simply claiming what i know to be true about myself and have learned to embrace as a strength.]

for years i chided myself for not knowing simple things about some of my best friends. things like how she takes her coffee, her favorite animal, gold or silver, where she'd vacation if she could go anywhere, her favorite book, crest or colgate, tulips or hydrangeas. you get the idea. i assumed that a good friend would know all these things about her friends since casual acquaintances often know them, but i didn't. i still don't.

and that's okay.

it's okay because i know the deeper things. the things she fears. what makes her soul come alive. what drives her. why she loves Jesus and His people so. how she is gifted. where she is weak and strong. how the Lord is breaking her.

these are the things that matter most. why? because in knowing them, i am a better friend. i love deeper. more fully. and Jesus is able to shine a little brighter through me.

anyone can take my friend a cup of coffee or her favorite flower to brighten her day, but speaking truth and love into someone means knowing her. knowing more than what her barista, florist, or pharmacist know. it means taking the time to ask hard questions, rub elbows in all seasons of life, serve together, and pull off the masks.

i want to be that friend. i want to bring life. hope. joy. truth. love. kindness. i'll probably bring you flowers or a gift that makes me think of you when i see it, but that's not my end goal. i want you to know in your bones that you are known and loved for who you are.

bekah

live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally

an unexpected wedding perk

if you know me at all, you know i spend a significant number of weekends on the wedding scene. i love to travel and can think of few reasons that are better for travel than a wedding...especially when said wedding is a for a dear friend.

i know of several people who have met their spouse at a mutual friend's wedding. you'd think the odds would be in my favor on this one given the number of weddings i attend, or am in, each year but so far no luck. instead, i have made a few unexpected yet fabulous new friends along the way and i'd call that a win. i mean, let's be real...you love the bride, i love the bride, why wouldn't we love each other and be friends? cue instant friendship and someone new to stalk know and love.

i had the absolute joy of spending quality time in texas with three of these unexpected fabulous friends last weekend. i flew into dallas for a weekend of wedding fun for a former kanakuk kamper turned friend and, as a result, got to steal quality time with these gems along the way.

beth [kat's wedding]

jenn [joy's wedding]

sarah [tanya's wedding]

not that i didn't lurrrrve seeing all my texas peeps while i was there, but spending time with those three friends was especially sweet because it's such a powerful reminder of how the Lord designed us to be in community and how He orchestrates it in the most unexpected of ways. here's to my next wedding friend being my future husband? a girl can dream...

bekah

live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally.

10 ways to lose friends and irritate people

i can't begin to take credit for this 10 ways list, but i can tell you i completely agree with it. in my 27 years of meeting people and making friends, i've gravitated away from the types of people detailed below and i've sprinted in the direction of people who avoid these 10 oh-so-common relationship faux pas.

i greatly value relationships and put a lot of time and effort into creating rich, meaningful, authentic ones. that takes time, which we all know is a limited resource. i can't go out and get more time. i can pick up a second or third job to make a little extra money, but i just can't create more than 24 hours in a day. as a result, i consider time my most valuable resource and i'm extremely intentional with how i spend it. when i choose to give someone a piece of my time, that's one way i communicate my love for them.

when i read this list of 10 ways to lose friends and irritate people, they all seemed to point back to a disregard of someone's time in one way or another. since wasting time is a hot button for me, i'm purposing to do a better job of valuing others' time and communicating interest and care to each person i encounter...especially to those who tend to be invisible in our fast-paced world. my trust and respect level multiplies exponentially when someone's behavior communicates value. my loyalty and love vastly increase too. i'd like to be a woman who is trusted, respected, and loved.

so, since i can't say it any better than jeff haden already did, i'm simply re-posting his article. if you'd rather read his original version, you can do that here.

Want to win friends and influence people? Here are 10 things that ensure you won't:

1. You thoughtlessly waste other peoples' time. Every time you're late to an appointment or meeting says your time is more important. Every time you wait until the grocery clerk finishes ringing you up to search for your debit card says you couldn't care less if others have to wait unnecessarily. Every time you take three minutes to fill your oversize water bottle while a line stacks up behind you says you're in your own little world—and your world is the only world that matters.

Small, irritating things, but basically no big deal? Wrong. People who don't notice the small ways they inconvenience others tend to be oblivious when they do it in a major way.

How you treat people when it doesn't really matter—especially when you're a leader—says everything about you. Act like the people around you have more urgent needs than yours and you will never go wrong—and you will definitely be liked.

2. You ignore people outside your "level." There's an older guy at the gym that easily weighs 350 pounds and understandably struggles on the aerobic and weight equipment. Hats off; he's in there trying.

Yet nobody talks to him. Or even seems to notice him. It's like he's invisible. Why? He doesn't fit in.

We all do it. When we visit a company, we talk to the people we're supposed to talk to. When we attend a civic event, we talk to the people we're supposed to talk to. We breeze right by the technicians and talk to the guy who booked us to speak, even though the techs are the ones who make us look and sound good onstage.

Here's an easy rule of thumb: Nod whenever you make eye contact. Or smile. Or (gasp!) even say hi. Just act like people exist.

We'll automatically like you for it—and remember you as someone who engages even when there's nothing in it for you.

3. You ask for too much. A guy you don't know asks you for a favor; a big, time-consuming favor. You politely decline. He asks again. You decline again. Then he whips out the Need Card. "But it's really important to me. You have to. I really need [it]."

Maybe you do, in fact, really need [it]. But your needs are your problem. The world doesn't owe you anything. You aren't entitled to advice or mentoring or success. The only thing you're entitled to is what you earn.

People tend to help people who first help themselves. People tend to help people who first help them. And people definitely befriend people who look out for other people first, because we all want more of those people in our lives.

4. You ignore people in genuine need. At the same time, some people aren't in a position to help themselves. They need a hand: a few dollars, some decent food, a warm coat.

Though I don't necessarily believe in karma, I do believe good things always come back to you, in the form of feeling good about yourself.

And that's reason enough to help people who find themselves on the downside of advantage.

5. You ask a question so you can talk. A guy at lunch asks, "Hey, do you think social-media marketing is effective?"

"Well," you answer, "I think under the right circumstances..."

"Wrong," he interrupts. "I've never seen an ROI. I've never seen a bump in direct sales. Plus 'awareness' is not a measurable or even an important goal..." and he drones on while you desperately try to escape.

Don't shoehorn in your opinions under false pretenses. Only ask a question if you genuinely want to know the answer. And when you do speak again, ask a follow-up question that helps you better understand the other person's point of view.

People like people who are genuinely interested in them—not in themselves.

6. You pull a "Do you know who I am?" OK, so maybe they don't take it to the Reese Witherspoon level, but many people whip out some form of the "I'm Too Important for This" card.

Maybe the line is too long. Or the service isn't sufficiently "personal." Or they aren't shown their "deserved" level of respect.

Say you really are somebody. People always like you better when you don't act like you know you're somebody—or that you think it entitles you to different treatment.

7. You don't dial it back. An unusual personality is a lot of fun—until it isn't. Yet when the going gets tough or a situation gets stressful, some people just can't stop "expressing their individuality."
Look. We know you're funny. We know you're quirky. We know you march to the beat of your own drum. Still, there's a time to play and a time to be serious, a time to be irreverent and a time to conform, a time to challenge and a time to back off.

Knowing when the situation requires you to stop justifying your words or actions with an unspoken "Hey, that's just me being me" can often be the difference between being likeable and being an ass.

8. You mistake self-deprecation for permission. You know how it's OK when you make fun of certain things about yourself, but not for other people to make fun of you for those same things? Like receding hairlines. Weight. A struggling business or career. Your spouse and kids.
It's OK when you poke a little gentle fun at yourself, but the last thing you want to hear are bald or money or "Do you want fries with that?" jokes. (Bottom line: I can say I'm fat. You can't.)

Sometimes self-deprecation is genuine, but it's often a mask for insecurity. Never assume people who make fun of themselves give you permission to poke the same fun at them.

Only tease when you know it will be taken in the right spirit. Otherwise, if you feel the need to be funny, make fun of yourself.

9. You humblebrag. Humblebragging is a form of bragging that tries to cover the brag with a veneer of humility so you can brag without appearing to brag. (Key word is "appearing," because it's still easy to tell humblebraggers are quite tickled with themselves.)

For example, here's a tweeted humblebrag from actor Stephen Fry: "Oh dear. Don't know what to do at the airport. Huge crowd, but I'll miss my plane if I stop and do photos... oh dear don't want to disappoint."

Your employees don't want to hear how stressed you are about your upcoming TED Talk. They don't want to hear how hard it is to maintain two homes. Before you brag—humbly or not, business or personal—think about your audience. A gal who is a size 14 doesn't want to hear you complain that normally you're a size 2, but you're a size 4 in Prada because its sizes run small.
Or better yet, don't brag. Just be proud of what you've accomplished. Let others brag for you. 

If you've done cool things, don't worry—they will.

10. You push your opinions. You know things. Cool things. Great things.

Awesome. But only share them in the right settings. If you're a mentor, share away. If you're a coach or a leader, share away. If you're the guy who just started a paleo diet, don't tell us all what to order.

Unless we ask. What's right for you may not be right for others; shoot, it might not even turn out to be right for you.

Like most things in life, offering helpful advice is all about picking your spots—just like winning friends and influencing people.

Now it's your turn. What would you add to the list?

bekah

live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally.

nashville meets vegas for old folks...and a little bit more

if you've been around me long enough, you've heard me refer to branson as...

"nashville meets vegas for old folks"

...and while that's definitely true, there's also a lot that gets missed in that description. like the incredible views of the ozarks and the sunset from my little spot on sunset inn atop mount branson. or the community that rallies to meet needs that haven't even been verbalized yet. the way this community serves each other is unparalleled. it's a special, quirky, little town that stole my heart. forever.

there's something to be said for the safety and familiarity of your biological family. you can be mean, and ugly, and a downright pill, but 15 minutes and an apology later....you know you're still family and you're still loved. because you're family and that's what you do. that's part of sharing your dna. you love the good, the bad, and the really really ugly. and they know the real you. from day one to your current state. they know you. and they love you.

but i also think there's something maybe even slightly more special about friends who become that kind of family too. because they don't have to love that way. that's not the expectation or the norm. instead, they choose to love unconditionally. they see the ugly (and are ever so quick to call me out on it) and then go on loving me just the same. they choose to stand in the trenches with me and choose to fight my battles with me in prayer. not because that's the expectation, but because they've chosen to become my family of friends.

if i've said it once, i've said it a thousand times, my k-world branson fam knows how to speak my love languages better than anyone else on the planet. it takes all of 0.2 seconds into a conversation to feel the warmth, acceptance, love, encouragement, and sharpening take place. it's uncanny. and man, does it make a girl feel like a million bucks!! and it makes me a better person, because i want to look for ways to return the favor. i've learned so much from the men and women in that little ozark town, and i've only begun to scratch the surface on paying my debt of gratitude to each of them.

so in the meantime, as i sit here and bask in my moment of overwhelming gratitude, enjoy some pics from my trip to b-town over labor day.

no trip to branson is complete without some quiet time in the mountains.

devouring andy's with LB and shay after the vb matches. if i had children, they would be my daughters.

proof that my legs are much longer than trish's legs. she graciously loaned me her car all weekend before i could even think to ask. her generosity blows me away.

catching up with dan dan the army man is always a treat.

brunch with my girls. T and LB bring the humor to my life (among many other things).

lunch with my SJVC kiddos. slightly more grown up than when they were 14 and 15. love them!

branson fam: thanks, once again, for welcoming me into your homes, your cars, your lives, and your families. this florida girl aches with every humid breath i take, but i'm grateful for the opportunity to still walk through life with each of you. i'll be back soon because i left my heart and soul with you. my heart can only take so much separation.

bekah

live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally.

two become one

putting this past weekend into words isn't possible. the love and respect i have for kat and brad is immense. these two love the Lord with all they have, and they serve one another like crazy. so, naturally, when kat asked me to stand beside them and support their marriage from day one, it wasn't even a question. this is a couple who will continue to honor the Lord individually, but even more so collectively.

that being said, the weekend was a perfect representation of their personalities. it was high energy, full of laughter, lots of dancing, delicious food, and pockets of chill time to re-group. and most importantly, the Lord was at the center of everything. His name was lifted high. kat and brad were only secondary.

so in light of the fact that i can't really put my gratitude and enthusiasm into words, here's a picture recap to show you some of what the weekend included. i also posted an album on my facebook page with more pictures of the weekend. enjoy!

brad :: somebody just wants to fast forward to wedding day

fried goodness :: no trip to NOLA is complete without a meal at Cane's

E is a fabulous barista :: mocha velvet ice is like crack cocaine

gettin' crafty :: sashes for the bachelorette party

sisters :: dinner at chimes before dancing downtown

limo to downtown NOLA :: let the dancing begin!

cafe du monde :: beignets and frozen cafe au lait

beignets :: fried sugary goodness

tyler :: groom's sis & master of the awkward, ugly dance...hysterical!

bridal luncheon :: english tea room

tablescape :: i fell in love with a tea room, who am i??

sno-balls :: no snowcone will ever compare

rehearsal dinner :: mardi gras style

kat :: gettin' her nails did for her man

kat :: ready with all the essentials for her wedding day

beth :: my new favorite person on the planet

kat :: the batman shorts only make her more beautiful

mama nancy and kat :: love these two women!

brad and kat :: first dance

bekah

live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally.

embrace different

it may be (somewhat) old news now, but i still had some thoughts bouncing around my head that i want to get out. have any of you read the book, same kind of different as me? if you haven't, you should. (i confess that i haven't read the sequel yet though, what difference do it make?)

(credit)

the book chronicles the beginnings of a friendship between a homeless black man, denver moore, and a reluctant white man, ron hall. hall's wife, deborah, was the instigator in bringing these two men together to form what would later become a lifelong friendship. at one point in the book, i verbally sobbed. there, i admitted it. now go read it for yourself and find out why.

the reason i'm blogging about it now, 4 years after i read it, is that denver passed away at the beginning of april. in recent years, denver and ron have traveled the country sharing their story of love, acceptance, and embracing differences only to discover just how similar we all are.

the picture below links to a great article about denver's life and the legacy he leaves behind. it's not very long, so i encourage you to read it.

denver and ron (credit)

bekah

live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally.

maybe random isn't so random

have you ever had one of those moments in life where you just sit back and shake your head in disbelief? not the kind of head shaking that comes from witnessing someone act a fool, but the kind that comes when you KNOW the Lord was gettin’ busy? i’ve had several of those moments in my 25 years of life, but more in the past few years than i can count.

my most recent one came last thursday via facebook. yes, God cares about social media. i'm 100% convinced. a friend of mine that i hadn’t talked to in 5 years posted on my wall. we met the summer of 2006 when we both worked at kanakuk (k2) and kept up briefly afterwards, but since we lived nowhere near each other and she didn't work at kamp again, we fell off the face of each other's earths so to speak. [disclaimer: i didn't purge her during my many facebook "friend" purges because i really liked her and figured it was okay for her to know my business 5 years later].

well, turns out she’s been living in lakeland, fl [read: 30 minutes away from tampa] for the last 2.5 years. i had no idea she was there because, like i said, we haven’t talked in 5 years and i hadn't thoroughly stalked her in a while.  the last i knew, she was still in indiana which is nowhere near florida. obvi. that being said, once we knew we were 30 minutes apart, we didn’t waste any time and met up for dinner saturday night since she was free and i was headed back from orlando and lakeland is on the way. thank you facebook for aiding in this communication and planning process.

i just have to say that the Lord knew i needed those 3 hours with her. we haven’t talked in 5 years. God has done some crazy things in both of our lives during those 5 years. heck, He’s doing some crazy things in both of our lives now. we’re both in similar phases of change right now and it’s crazy to see how the Lord moves! he knew we could be irons for each other again, and encourage each other as we walk through the changes in front of us. i mean, as we sat on laura’s couch and talked after dinner, my heart was full, refreshed, challenged, and encouraged. what a blessing to have her back in my life! i have a feeling i will be keeping the pavement between tampa and lakeland hot. and i’m okay with that.

ready for the hoedown party at kamp (laura is to my right, your left)

last night at kamp '06

watching tennis together in '07

so grateful to have Laura back in my life. and here's to the Lord being awesome and once again blowing my mind with His timing. :)

bekah

live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally.

ballistic bings

i woke up this morning to a crazy series of bings on my iphone. normally i'd be slightly annoyed that my phone was going ballistic just minutes before my scheduled alarm, but not today. today, in the midst of my sleep stupor, i grinned from ear to ear and felt extremely blessed. and then i rolled back over and conked out until my alarm went off.

the crazy series of bings was a string of text messages from a very dear friend who was sharing some thoughts in response to a recent study of David and his friendships. i won't share her name, but here's what she said this morning.

"To my few uncommon friends: I am studying God's work through David

right now and I just finished reading about David's uncommon friendship with

Jonathan in 1 Sam. 20 and how God knitted their spirits together (1 Sam. 18:1).

I am so thankful for your friendship and how we are knit together by the

Spirit of God (Eccl. 4:9-12). Thank you for the times we have prayed together,

laughed together, and cried together. I praise God that every time I have left you,

I feel strengthened and encouraged and challenged in the faith (Rom. 12:15).

I love you! You are my iron (Prov. 27:17)."

what a great way to wake up!! my friends continue to blow me away with their commitment to the Lord and how they pursue Him above all else. that passion trickles down into our relationship and is such a tremendous blessing to me. they sharpen me daily.

in the midst of my crazy life right now, i realize how important it is to surround myself with people who are mutually encouraging as Paul says in Romans 1:12. as much as my relationship-craving self wants to maintain as many friendships as possible, i'm realizing that depth is more valuable to me than breadth right now. focusing on a few relationships and doing them well is my priority as opposed to trying to maintain as many as possible. that's a tough one for a girl like me to swallow.

but that being said, friends like this one are invaluable. i'm blessed to have her and several others like her in my life right now. i hope you have a few too.

bekah

live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally.