February 22, 2011

what i want

i recently stumbled across this blog and was encouraged. it's a great explanation of where i feel i am right now in life. go back and click the link ("this blog"), read it, and then come back. it's short. i promise.

good stuff, huh?

right now i'm blessed with the opportunity to seek the Lord harder than ever before. i've never made a decision in life with less direction than i am right now. deciding on where to go to college was a stressful time, but not because i was anxiously awaiting acceptance letters or trying to decide where to apply. i knew where i wanted to be. it was a matter of whether or not they wanted me. was i going to get to wear that beloved blue and be a tar heel? the answer was yes. coach said we want you. i said, "i'm in."

there were plenty of moments where i questioned my decision to put all my eggs in the Carolina basket, and i certainly turned to the Lord at that point, but not like i am now. it wasn't intimate. it was desperate. i turned to the Lord when that decision was on the horizon because isn't that what you're supposed to do, seek the Lord? because He knows the plans he has for me...that whole jeremiah 29:11 bit that everyone starts throwing your way when you hit your senior year of high school. sure, the Lord knew. and yes, He does have great plans, but i was seeking the plans, not Him.

right now i'm just under the two month mark for pulling out of Branson. i have no job when i get to Tampa. but i have peace. i'm confident it's the right decision. why? because i've sought Him above all else. not His plans. not comfort or security. not even a job. Him. i've sought Him. He's in control. not me. i'm believing Him. He will never lead me into defeat. my timeline? i'd have a job before i even thought about leaving. but it's not my timeline. it's His.

so, back to the blog i made you read earlier...had things gone according to my timeline, i would have missed this opportunity to seek Him above all else. i don't need answers. i need Him. and sometimes the only way for me to get to that point of wanting Him above all else is to have a giant question mark placed in front of me. then i realize that every other pursuit is empty when compared to Him. 

i'm rejoicing in this time of uncertainty. i'm pursuing Him. not because it's the magic formula for a great new job. but because i want Him. more than a job, i want Him. i press into Him. He's got this. 


live unashamedly :: laugh uncontrollably :: love unconditionally.

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