January 17, 2010

my grown up life

welcome to my grown up life. sometimes i don't have time to think about anything more than putting my foot down and taking the next step to wherever it was i'm supposed to already be. but i'm adapting to this pace and learning to live by the mantra "better busy than bored."

i don't get breaks, i take vacation days. i don't watch tv, i read the news. i don't train anymore, i workout. i don't study, i occasionally read for pleasure. i don't get an allowance, i get a paycheck. i don't ride in a carpool, i drive myself. i don't ask what's for dinner, i make it myself. i wash, dry, fold, and put away my own laundry. if i don't have something i'm looking for in the pantry, i add it to my grocery list. i wash my car, check the tire pressure, get the oil changed, and keep it clean on the inside. life has changed a lot for me in the past 10 years. and i've loved every second of it.

10 years ago, i was barely a teenager and grateful to have survived the Y2K "meltdown" that was all over the news. funny thought. now i'm 23 and completely 100% in the adult world (okay, maybe only 99% since i don't have a mortgage to pay). and i'm absolutely blown away by how gracious my God is. i'm sitting here on my couch (technically it's Tracy's) in Branson, MO and i can't imagine being anywhere else. well, that's kind of a lie because i can think of a few places i would like to live right now, but what i'm trying to say is that this community and this phase of life i'm in right now are perfect. i wouldn't trade all the funny looks and giggles i hear when i tell people i live in Branson and my house is on Hill Billy Lane. i just wouldn't. i'm precisely where i need to be. i have a lot of growing up and learning to do while i'm here. and i refuse to miss out on any of it simply because Branson isn't the thriving metropolis i want to "settle" down in.

i have been stretched and challenged in countless ways since i "officially" moved to Branson in August. the Institute was like the prologue. this year is the real deal. my job keeps me more than occupied from 8-5 every day. i usually look up around 12:15 thinking it's only around 9:30 and gasp at the realization that the day is halfway over. blessing in disguise, really. the days go quickly, sometimes too quickly. i catch myself getting focused on the tasks at hand and lose sight of the people and the greater purpose along the way. constantly have to put myself back into check on that one.

i'm still blown away by the opportunity the Lord has given me to be part of a handful of high school girls' lives. really, it's ridiculous. i'm floored by their desire to learn and grow and let me be part of the process. i can't imagine being somewhere else this year. really, i can't. i'm also falling in love with nine 14-year-old girls that i have the joy of coaching during this club season. they're still at that age where they listen to whatever i say and absolutely take it to heart. they haven't gotten to the phase of rolling their eyes at "coach" or thinking they know more than me. believe me, i'm grateful. i LOVE my time with them and i now have 9 more girls in my world of influence. i'm unbelievably blessed!!

blessed, but stretched thin. not too thin, but thin. to those of you who have seen me fall off the face of the planet and almost become non-existent, i apologize. i remember a time in life when i would call, email, write, visit, etc. but now those days seem like an eternity ago. i'm in a phase of life right now where i think of you and pray for you on a consistent basis (just consult my bathroom mirror if you need confirmation), but unless i see you on a semi-daily basis....our friendship looks different than it probably did a year or two ago. again, i apologize. not that i don't care. i am just fully invested in my life here in Branson to the point that it's a struggle to reach out to my life and friends outside this little world. this is when i realize who my true friends are, because i've seen you extend grace to me and pick up the ball and come visit me, call me, text me, email me, etc. thanks for still caring and understanding that "the times, they are a-changing." not necessarily in a bad way, just changing.

i think this is long enough and i've rambled on to waste enough of your time today, but one final thought. i continue to be blown away by the goodness and provision of my God. all it takes is me opening my eyes each morning to see the neverending blessings that surround me. why do i ever doubt His provision? this is a year i've devoted to the Lord and i desire to live with His return at the forefront of my mind. no need to waste my time and energy on things that won't matter in the end. it's time for me to start intentionally living for the day instead of living for today.


live unashamedly. laugh uncontrollably. love unconditionally.


Joy said...

Love it Beks!! Thanks for sharing your life and being honest about it all! I feel like there are so many times that our lives are so similar and I am more than thankful for that! God has enriched my life with your friendship and it is a blessing to me to watch you grow in the Lord and press into Him more each year!

Love you!!

K.a.t.Hilton said...

:) luv u.

Alice said...

i think you're awesome. keep killin' it.

Cait Clendenin said...

Beautifully written. I want to be in that place... experiencing complete contentment. Blessings on you, sister. Keep following hard after Him.